My beloved grandchildren,
It is with great ambition that I, the Grandmother, must hereby inform my beloved customers that the small but treasured money laundering merchandise operation known as Verzweifelt™ shall be entering a wohlverdiente Pause, effective immediately.
Despite record-breaking demand, selling spices is no longer the most profitable way to make quick caßh. Therefore I am turning all Verzweifelt™ warehouses and physical shops into sustainable AI data centres, running entirely on Neßtlé bottled water (courtesy of Poseidon, Daddy of the Seas).
My grandchildren, Hans & Greta, have been reassigned to higher-priority assignments within my ever-growing empire. The exact nature of these assignments is, as my legal counsel insists I clarify, classified. Suffice it to say that they are unable to continue managing physical “product” distribution while simultaneously serving me in my tech oligarchy business ventures.
Please note that all “Bingo Sundays” will now be held in the magnificent island of Dubai, where I now reside for tax evasion business purposes. Side events in Sylt, Monaco, and Palm Beach, Florida, are currently under consideration.
Should you have a question about a past order or a pending return/refund, you may direct your concerns to shop@verzweifelt.eu or respond to your order confirmation email.
With love and paßion,
The Grandmother